Text for song "Runner is a rey of light"

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Text for song "Runner is a rey of light"

Postby SODA on Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:07 pm

Hi, Guys !!!
I write the song and I need your help to correct me,
because English is not my native language and can be with some mistakes... :)
Please, edit it with explanations of what is wrong!
May be there is something wrong in stylistic?
Thnx a lot !!! :thumbs:
Respect !!! :hug:


Here is a text:

I've been loving you, and I've been high!
Now you make me lure right on road!
I'm in love my dear!
I've bought this try for two!
It's money on the road!

I'm on hight of truly loving flow!
And I know my love is on the road!
Let you come on to within this try, oh, try!

Runner is a ray!

Many times I've seen you on the streets!
And I've seen you dancing in the clubs!
Many times I thought that I will fly with you!
How can it be now?!

I can't fly and I am gonna run!
Gonna run to you, like butterfly!
I can get inside your soul tonight and turn on the light!

Last edited by SODA on Mon Feb 22, 2010 7:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I love compact things !!!... 8-)
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Re: Text for song

Postby EdwardFist on Fri Jan 22, 2010 6:57 am

smashing!

Please please please post the track soon!
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Re: Text for song

Postby SODA on Fri Jan 22, 2010 10:54 am

Is it joke? :D
Please, I'm seriously, I need help to edit the text! :thumbs:
Waiting forward your answer! ;)
I love compact things !!!... 8-)
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Re: Text for song

Postby SODA on Sat Jan 23, 2010 3:15 pm

Anybody here ?... rockin
I love compact things !!!... 8-)
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Re: Text for song

Postby Yatmandu on Sat Jan 23, 2010 5:55 pm

Ok, I'll try to break it down:

SODA wrote:Hi, Guys !!!
I write the song and I need your help to correct me,
because English is not my native language and can be with some mistakes... :)
Please, edit it with explanations of what is wrong!
May be there is something wrong in stylistic?
Thnx a lot !!! :thumbs:
Respect !!! :hug:


Here is a text:

I've been loving you, and I've been high!
<-- ok, makes sense
Now you make me lure right on road!
<-- doesn't make sense!? what are you trying to say here? Roadkill?
I'm in love my dear!
Claro! As clear as an unmuddied lake :thumbs:
I've bought this try for two!
<-- ?? what did you buy? a lottery ticket? what is a "try"?
It's money on the road!
<-- Ok, I understand this! It's some kind of gambling involving roadkill!

I'm on hight of truly loving flow!
<-- Spelling: "height", but still doesn't make sense
And I know my love is on the road!
<-- You love the money on the road, or the Roadkill Money-laundering conspiracy?
Let you come on to within this try, oh, try!
<-- Hmmm, losing you again!

Runner is a ray!
<-- Totally left-field, this one :D

Many times I've seen you on the streets!
<-- Perfectly understandable!
And I've seen you dancing in the clubs!
<-- Ok, now we're getting somewhere!!
Many times I thought that I will fly with you!
<-- Good, GOOD!
How can it be now?!
<-- Excellent!!

I can't fly and I am gonna run!
<-- You're on a real run, mate!
Gonna run to you, like butterfly!
<-- Ok, butterflies, ummm...FLY...but still, better than "Runner is ray"
I can get inside your soul tonight and turn on the light! <-- {/quote] Good ending!


Dude, I've had a lot of wine tonight, and I'm just joking with you. Your English is 10^google better than my Russian, so take all my comments with a drink!

Cheers.... rockin
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Re: Text for song

Postby Blue Monster 65 on Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:17 pm

You have two or three kernels of songs here, Soda, neither of which translate into English very well. Your lyrics start out comparing your love to a road trip, but then switch halfway through to a statement of how you're going to fly with this woman you're in lust with. I would suggest you consider splitting them into separate ideas and then fleshing them out from there.

Some of the lines - as Yatmandu noted above - really don't make much sense in English. However, since I don't speak Russian, I can't help you translate them, either!

I would keep the following lines, though, and build upon them (my changes in italics):

SODA wrote:I've been loving you, and I've been high!
I'm high on truly flowing love!
And I know my love is on the road!

Many times I've seen you on the streets!
Many times I've seen you dancing in the clubs!
Many times I thought I'll fly with you!

I can't run but I can fly!
Gonna come to you, like a butterfly!
I can get inside your soul tonight and turn on the light!


I hope this helps a little - let me know!
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Re: Text for song

Postby oldboy on Sun Jan 24, 2010 2:16 am

you need someone to translate russian to english ? send me the russian text and ill see if my friend will do it.
〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫내숭〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫〫
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Re: Text for song

Postby StellarJay[aka Ruso] on Mon Jan 25, 2010 2:13 pm

I'm Russian, I could help!
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Re: Text for song

Postby StellarJay[aka Ruso] on Mon Jan 25, 2010 2:16 pm

By the way, translating from another language is not practical... it's sort of like trying to express French poetry into a stubborn, non-poetical language that we all are stuck with (that would be English)...

Even if you can do it in the end.... it loses the feeling that the original has/had.

I tried to translate "Borodeno" (a very famous Russian poem) into English for my Poetry class back when I actually was going to school.... I spent a long time but it never turned out right....
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Re: Text for song

Postby SODA on Wed Feb 03, 2010 9:14 pm

Thanx Guys for your supporting !!!
I finished the song, and I like it very much !!!
Wish you all the best things in the World !!!... :hug:
I love compact things !!!... 8-)
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